KEYS TO MY HEART » Love

Fickle thing called love..

Jagadish — Fri, 22 May 2009 15:45:31 +0000

Isn’t it weird how some people keep falling in and out of “love” at the drop of a hat? It has been one of those things that’s been bothering me a lot lately. I do not intend to be self-righteous but it is just ridiculous and irritating the way some people act.

One of my roomies is a complete womanizer. It is, of course, true that nobody ever gets along with their roommates and you could think that I might have some unknown agenda for laying such allegations on him. Believe me, whatever I say here is just the tip of the iceberg.

As I was saying, this guy had a girl friend in India when he came to the university with me. This did not dissuade him from adding a multitude of American girls to his Facebook and flirting with them into the wee hours of the night. He eventually found another girl living in New Jersey and would spend talking to her in the late nights spending all his minutes on the phone. He even met her when he went to meet his sister in NJ. But, apparently, nothing happened as she found out that he had a girlfriend (she saw her picture on his phone’s wallpaper which he forgot to change) and he never talked to her again or maybe she never wanted to talk to him

Well, that’s just one instance. He recently broke up with his girlfriend for reasons unbeknownst to me and he is already in “love” with another girl. It took him a couple of months to get over his relationship and fall in love again. He insists that she is not a rebound girl and that this relationship is more “mature” than the previous relationship and what not!

The point of this rant is not to pick on him; it is just confounding how people use the word “love” for every silly feeling they have. It is just abusing a pristine word. I am not saying that you have to fall in love only once in life (even though that’s how it should be, ideally). We all have false positives, we were all young once when we fell for the wrong people. Even then, you don’t just give it all up in a few days when you have invested your time and emotions in it for a good few years. I know wallowing yourself in pity and sorrow is hardly a good thing, but could you honestly say that you were in a relationship with someone if you do not feel that way?

Having said that, I don’t even know what is the right time to move on and get on to next relationship. I just think that it is disrespectful for something you cherished and valued all these years if you just “fall in love” too soon. I really hope people don’t use “love” for every high they feel. I believe that love just does not come out of thin air. There could be attraction or even a connection to begin with but it will take awhile to understand each other, to understand your own feelings for him/her and finally to understand the ramifications of being together. It will not all be easy, not everything will be perfect but even with everything going against you, if you want to hold on to that person’s hand forever, that is when you are truly in love.

An apology..

Jagadish — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:28:11 +0000

Dear Archana,

I want to apologize for my behavior last night. I lose control of myself every time I get on the red Poltergust 4000. It pumps my adrenaline and I want to drive as fast as I can bumping into everything that comes in the way. I agree that I should not have dropped all the banana peels on the road with the intention of tripping you. Worse, I should not have got my hands up in the air and jumped “Gotcha!” every time you tripped over them. I should not have shot you with all the red shells when you were about to win. I should not have braked and moved into the second spot so I could hit you with the devastating blue shell. Sorry I screamed “Ha Haa!!” every time I crossed the finish line.

I promise I will not put fake item boxes near the real item boxes to confuse you. I also promise I will not say “Oh yay!” if you fall off the ledge. I will definitely not slow down to get better items. I hope you will forgive me and connect to WFC again. I will look for your yellow blinking icon. Please come back so we can play again.

Love,

Jagadish

(For all those who don’t get it. Go play MARIO KART)

Valentine’s Day: #5

Beyond love

Archana — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:09:14 +0000

I am a dreamer. It’s true-I find it hard to give up on things that are important to me. Having said that, the past few months have been really emotionally challenging for me for many reasons. I haven’t blogged; I haven’t known what to blog about when there are so many things troubling me. Some things I understand, some I don’t.

Anyway, here I am. And I’ve been thinking. A lot.

I read a recent CNN article about this man, Munoz, who, for the past couple of decades, has been spending more than half of his $700 salary to feed the hungry and the homeless on the streets of New York. We are all (hopefully) charitable in some manner through our lives. This man though, and his story touched me. To think and care about complete strangers in this manner-evening after evening, day after day? Pretty incredible.

I am fortunate. I have loving exceptional parents, who have cared and provided for me everything I wished for growing up. I am only just beginning to realize how monumental a task parenting is, as I’m seeing a couple of my friends starting to embark on it. I probably have never thanked them enough for doing everything they did, in whatever manner they did, because I attribute a lot of what I am today, to them.

Love is a strange thing though. I know my parents don’t agree with me right now, but no matter what, I just cannot find the words to blame them for how they feel. I understand, but do they? Maybe they do, and they simply don’t like it. Yes, love is remarkable. It is unending, and we have this ability, as humans, to display our affection, to many people, in many different ways.

On that note, let me share this with you; I’m not usually one for quotes, but this I found to ring very true:

“The big difference between people is not between the rich and the poor, the good and the evil. The biggest of all differences between people is those who have had pleasure in love and those who haven’t.”
-Paul Newman (as Chance Wayne in “Sweet Bird of Youth”)

What good are the riches of the world if there is nothing worth living for? We work hard all our lives, to get a good job, a good pay, and we hope, that will help us lead ‘the good life’. Yes, money is necessary, but not beyond the necessity of love.

Love conquers (a lot, if not everything)

Archana — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:12:46 +0000

Recently, I read this really amusing, and rather sweet article.The article talked about when the author first met her future husband, she was suffering from a bad bout of the ‘flu. She looked terrible, and yet beautiful to him (or so he said!). Anyway, she goes on to talk about how she kept expecting him to turn off his “Nice Guy” attitude and break her heart, like all the other guys she dated. But that never happened. And they’re still happily married.

Don’t we all expect the worst to happen when we have something too good to be true with us? I feel fortunate, and I’ve written about this a lot, that I have found someone amazing in Jagadish. For the longest time, however, I expected the worst. We met in quite an unorthodox fashion, we barely spent any time being friends, but we somehow knew it was meant to be. I did not know how our future was going to play out. And to some extent, we still don’t.

The author also talks about how they, together, have built a life for themselves. And it’s not perfect, but, as Jagadish might say, who cares? Jagadish and I share a far from perfect relationship ourselves. We are two very different people, and yet very very much the same in so many ways. I think it’s stupid to expect that a relationship–any relationship–is going to be picture perfect, with no fights, and all fun. I think, like the old saying goes, that makes for a very rainy, dull day. It’s not to say that I enjoy our fights, but we do argue. Sometimes, when we think about it, it’s rather funny. We can’t remember why we argued or what started it all. Other times, it’s all too clear, and it ends up badly all over again. But when we do argue, I don’t usually ever feel like he hates me. He is actually incredibly mature (way more than me), calm and puts things in perspective. I expected that mask to drop off one day too, but to this day, he is still like that. He knows how to reveal his point of view, without being mean, and vicious.

Relationships are built with love. They are strong, and they are fragile at times. They don’t come easily, and when they do, they aren’t perfect. But when you can open up your heart and see beyond the fight and arguments that seem so important, and see how much better the world around you is because of that one person, it makes everything shrink in comparison.

Over the weekend, I watched ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’. As many of you who watched might remember, this guy falls in love with a girl whose family is very Greek. The father then forbids her from seeing the guy and tries to get her to meet all these other Greek men that he likes, and wants her to marry. Still, she sneaks out to meet the guy she loves. And this is a 29-30 year old woman! Well, when nothing works, the father breaks down. He is at a loss and talks with her mother–”Why is she doing this to me?” and “Is this what I raised her for?”, and the mother, trying to be gentle, and comforting even though she too is hurting, just says something along the lines of this: “They are in love. It happens sometimes. They did not mean for it to happen that way. What can we do?”And the girl too is torn. Torn between her parents and the one she loves. She tells him, “When I’m with you, I am so so happy. But when I’m with you, my parents are so unhappy.”

Sometimes that is the sort of understanding you want and you seek from parents. You look up to them all your life, wishing you could just be like them, knowing they are right the many times you were stubborn enough not to listen to them. And then there are other times like the ones I described above, when you in the very deepest part of your heart just know how you feel. How can you ever convey that across?

Love and beautiful relationships don’t come easy. Life is complicated enough, without bringing in additional burdens and chasms of religion, caste, creed, color, societal status, financial status, education level… where do these chasms end? This self-imposed divide has to be crossed at some point. Above all, we are all human, we are all creations of God, and we must never forget that.

Our time together…

Jagadish — Tue, 06 May 2008 02:31:21 +0000

I know we haven’t been able to keep the site updated as often as we can. Life has been really busy for the past one year. The updates have slowed down to a trickle but we want to let everyone know that this site is a very important thing in our lives and we will try to keep this going as long as we are together. We want this site to be a proof that long distance relationships indeed work if you have the patience.

After nearly 4 years of staying apart and meeting once every year (for a few hours) perhaps, we have finally had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together in August of 2007. I finally came to US as a graduate student in Environmental Engg and the first thing I did was fly to Archana’s place. We had about 10 days to spend together and that was quite a long time. In those 10 days, we had gone shopping, visited places and cried ourselves to sleep but not for one moment did we feel like we did not belong together.

And I had to fly back to East coast to continue the purpose of my arrival in USA. Life as a graduate student is not easy. It is time consuming and you have not a moment to do anything but study. I was a really serious gamer before I came to USA. I would spend at least a couple of hours every day playing video games but not anymore. There is so much to this country but I would be lying if I said that I really love it here. But after an year’s time, I can safely say that this place is growing on me. I had several complaints from the taste of milk to the time of sunset. How expensive everything is when you convert everything to rupees. In spite of all the complaints, I really love the neatness and the organized traffic in this country. Driving in India after driving in these conditions is suicide. But that is the subject of another blog.

During the one year of my stay in USA, we have met twice already and spent more than a month’s time together. There were moments of true happiness, togetherness and also there were moments of angst and frustration. But even in all this, life felt good. We had a first hand experience of each other’s stubbornness and some issues are yet to be resolved and probably will take a while to be. It made me realize how much we care about each other and how much we are willing to sacrifice to be together. Like I said, life is good with Archana (so is her food ).

Music & love

Archana — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:04:35 +0000

If there is one common thread that can connect all of humanity, it would be music. If you think about it, every culture has a form and expression of music that is distinct. Over the years, my taste in music has been varied, and as I’m exposed to more kinds, the more I tend to appreciate the art of creating music.You know how most couples have a “song”? It used to be that, a long time ago, Jagadish’s and mine was ‘How you remind me’ by Nickelback. Wherever I’d go-shopping, hair cut, grocery store, or even in my car, I’d hear it play around me all the time. It wasn’t really our “song” as such but just happened to be a coincidence of sorts.

More recently, however, we both fell in love with a song we heard over and over again on the car radio while driving around. More than anything else, it was the lyrics that really hit the spot for us. Especially as we know what it is to be in a long distance relationship; what it is to feel longing and loneliness; what it is to crave to be together and be merry.

This song not only reminds me of all the good memories we have, and the reason we so love each other, but it also reminds me that distance is but a word.The song I’m talking about is by Plain White T’s and is titled ‘Hey there, Delilah’. Here it is, from YouTube.

Despite everything, I know we have something special, and I know, in my heart, it’s got to have all happened for a reason. Destiny.Just listening to this song makes me feel a whole lot better.

And just a little sad that we aren’t together right here, right now.

Someday, we will.

Valentine’s Day: #5

Archana — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 22:44:45 +0000

The last few months have been particularly hard for both Jagadish and me. A number of issues had come up that we had to deal with. While most of them remained unresolved, Valentine’s Day showed up, bright and merry.

I thought I had, for once, surpassed myself and bought him a really outstanding gift that would surprise him, but he got me something that I was really almost craving. He’s always been into gaming, and I turned from someone being blissfully unaware of video games into a casual onlooker, getting (loads of) info from him about the latest and greatest games around. So when he made his way into the US, I bought him a Nintendo DS Lite, with one of the Final Fantasy games. He soon found other games for it and I was hooked onto BrainAge and WarioWare. I absolutely loved Mario Party! I played until the end of the game-with a little help from Jagadish of course.

And so… I received a brand-spankin’-new DS Lite in red for Valentine’s. Not only does it look gorgeous and evokes ‘wows’ from anyone who looks at it, but it is incredibly easy and sooo much fun to play on! We can even hook up to Nintendo’s WiFi connector thingy and play against each other. I can only say I’m getting better at Mario Kart, but I bet I’ll beat him at it some day very soon!

Besides all the excitement of getting this awesome gift, Valentine’s, as always, reminded me of how fortunate I am to have someone out there who cares about me as Jagadish does, and someone who I care about just as much. Indeed, it happens much too often when the person you love may not love you back as much. I hope everyone who is in love and is looking for love will remember that, always.

It has been a wonderful five years with him, despite the many hiccups we continue to face. Money, fame, success, and the highly ovverrated societal ‘respect’, although perhaps important in some regards, sometimes pale in comparison to having a happy and fulfilling life.

Perhaps Love..

Archana — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 11:13:50 +0000

To me, love is a lot of comfort. It is comforting for me to know that, at the end of the day, I have a shoulder to rest on. Someone to spill everything out to. Someone I can count on to make me smile, even if I’m exhausted. Someone to simply make me feel better when I’m down, or feeling crummy for no reason at all. Someone who will understand that I need comforting, and solace, and someone who will unselfishly provide that, without asking or needing, or expecting anything in return.

Now, this reminds me that there is a most beautiful love song, by Placido Domingo, and John Denver called ‘Perhaps Love’.

Anyone who has not heard this, has surely missed out! Look it up, and listen to it, or ask Jagadish or me for it We will be happy to share it with you. Here’s the lyrics from this most touching, soothing, revealing, simply awesome song:

Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don’t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Some say love is holding on and some say letting go
Some say love is everything and some say they don’t know

Perhaps love is like the mountains, full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it’s cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

I cannot agree more.

Perhaps l o v e does this to you

Of fire and ice

Archana — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 10:43:05 +0000

Reading Jagadish’s post reminded me of a poem I read when I was still in high school. My favorite English teacher, Edward Butscher, taught it to us. He, by the way, is a brilliant teacher. I believe he has even published some good books. He’s so funny and slightly eccentric. Smoked a lot-so much that you could smell it a few feet away. Ugghhh-cigarette smoke and smell still never fails to disgust me and cause me to go into a coughing fit. However, he favored me greatly (that always matters) and I graded the entire class instead of him (except myself; he graded me, of course). I remember how he kept saying how he missed times when students knew how to spell!

Moving on to the poem, the subject of this blog, it was by Edmund Spenser, called ‘Ice and Fire’, and I still remember it vaguely, which is really saying a lot (Jagadish would fervently agree).

Well, I looked it up and here it is for your reading pleasure:

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
How comes it then that this her cold so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,
But harder grows the more I her entreat?
Or how comes it that my exceeding heat
Is not allayed by her heart-frozen cold,
But that I burn much more in boiling sweat,
And feel my flames augmented manifold?
What more miraculous thing may be told,
That fire, which all things melts, should harden ice,
And ice, which is congeal’d with senseless cold,
Should kindle fire by wonderful device?
Such is the power of love in gentle mind,
That it can alter all the course of kind.

For everyone who anguishes in love, desperately wanting to bare their hearts, and fearing cold wrath in response, this poem will strike some chords. The ‘fire’ is the man, and the ‘ice’ is the woman, and the poet is writing about how his warmth, desire and love do not ‘melt’ the woman’s heart. Despite this, her ‘coldness’ only spurs him on even more, ‘kindling’ the fire in him.

The play with the words of ice and fire, and the images they conjure up in one’s mind is really pretty amazing! This is really a beautiful analogy describing the power of love to bind even entire opposites. I love the last couple of lines especially. Love is really, truly very powerful, and those touched by this wonderful emotion will, I am sure, agree with me.

Changes: Wanting to be married

Jagadish — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 23:11:49 +0000

I have forever detested the concept of marriage. I never understood why people needed to be married. My parents haven’t done anything to enhance my opinion on marriage either.

I have always been a solitary being. I hated to be with people and any form of company. Its not that I was a shy person or something, I’ve been able to manage myself in a crowd. Its just that I never felt lonely or sought that special someone to be with. I had always been happy with myself and had even vowed to be single forever.

I had this elaborate dream where I would be stinkingly rich, (with my brains, I always thought I would be anything I wanted to be) and that I would own this huge apartment on the top floor of a skyscraper. It would have just one room with a couch, television, balcony and a huge window on one side of the wall. When I draw the blinds open, I would have a view of the endless sky. It seemed like a perfect life to me. A life without anyone to care for and without any accountability. And I thought I would adopt someone when I feel ready for the responsibility. It seemed like a great life until Archana came along and disturbed my apple cart.

It would seem like every girl’s dream but, even as a guy, I always thought I needed someone to sweep me off my feet. Someone who would make me feel that I can’t live without her. Someone who would make me go to the ends of the earth just to touch the tip of her hair. Someone who would make me feel the need for company.

In Archana, I’ve found all this and more. Not only that, she has forever changed my view on marriage and she didn’t even have to argue with me about it. She is someone whom I truly want to be married to for the rest of my life. She is someone I want to grow old with, someone I would be willing to share my space with and give away my precious perfect dream of bachelorhood because there is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with her. And now I know the sanctity of marriage and respect the institution that has been binding people in love together for ages.

(This is part 2 of my ongoing posts on changes I’ve noticed in myself since I met Archana. You can read the Part 1 here.)